The Twelve Receipts of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, your true love worked a minimum-wage job for over 30 hours to pay for your partridge in a pear tree…

Things stay fairly reasonable during the first six days of Advent, with each gift coming in under $1000–but things get crazy on 1st January, when your poor true love will shell out a whopping $13,125 to buy you seven swans. A watch might be a nicer and more economical idea (or, perhaps, a subscription for Vizzlo…?).

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, your true love proves that the gender wage gap is real by paying $160.78 more per male dancer than each of the previous nine ladies.

In total, the gifts in the famous song would cost almost $40,000 at the current rate of goods. If your true love isn’t Jeff Bezos, perhaps suggest they return the gifts and put that money into their savings instead.

We haven’t even taken into account the repetition of all preceding gifts each day (that would be ridiculous), which would take your true love’s cumulative Christmas shopping bill up to $170,613.